Talking or Writing?

So, I think this is something that I have realized, for quite some time. BUT, this past week has made me really realize the fullness of it. Let me explain.

I am someone who communicates, very well, through the written word. I wouldn't have said that, years ago, but as I learn more about myself and who God made me to be, I am trying to not deny what I am actually good at. So I just decided to agree that yes, I am good at writing. I may not always use huge words or put my sentences together well but I find it easy to explain what I'm thinking and feeling- in written form. 

Now, expressing myself with talking; that is not always an easy thing for me. It's something that I have been trying to explore more and more. I realize, the more, concentrated time I have with someone- one on one- the more likely I am to take the time to express myself and what I'm thinking. Something that makes it difficult, at times, to really express myself, is that my words and thoughts all get jumbled up as I try and speak them out. So, then I just get frustrated that I don't know how to say what I am actually thinking and feeling. Another aspect is that I often times just don't know what I am feeling!! I just don't know. When I say I don't know, I really don't. :) BUT I am realizing that sometimes, if I take the time to write it out, I will more quickly come to the understanding of what it is that I'm feeling.

 So I'm a writer. I process through writing. I used to journal, A LOT, as my time to really connect with The Lord. And in those times I felt so close to Him and so understood. Now, I have been doing some journaling again, but still not much. It's something that I know will help me to connect with Him but it's also something that takes effort, time and energy to sit down and do it. The same goes for long emails or updates to my family and friends back at home. It's something that I want to do- often! But it's something that I just don't get done, very often at all. With this blog, I was hoping it would give me the incentive to really get to writing again. And as you see, that hasn't happened much. YET. :)

So, this is me, putting it out there. I can often text or Facebook you, and seem mostly upbeat, even when I'm feeling a little blah. I think through text and Facebook and email, I can easily express what I know is inside of me- even though it is deeper than I'd like it to be!  :) So, I realize that it's sometimes confusing to people that I can write an email or send a text, where I'm super chatty and happy, but then when I meet up with you, in real life, I seem a bit quieter and sometimes more negative or down. It is confusing. But it's something that I'm working out, slowly but surely. And those of you that know me, know that I am not a quiet person! HA! BUT, if you would have met me in 5th grade or even in High School (I think most people I graduated with would agree) I was quiet. I did not speak up. I did not, usually, voice my opinion. UNLESS, I was with my super close friends! So, isn't it amazing how time will bring out the true person?? :) Time and 10 years of doing hair! HA!

I'm not really sure where I was going with this, anymore......SO.......I guess I'll leave it at that. This is just me exploring who I am and what makes me tick. :) And part of what makes me tick is being able to express myself through writing!! :) boom! :)

Love you all!